Ready for a Comeback

A poster at Beliefnet's U.S. Politics board (sort of a political Romper Room) was recently heaping contempt on critics of Bush's war.

"By the way," he sarcastically sneered with a sneer, "do you want us to restore him (Saddam Hussein) to power there?"

Sure, why not? He looks better than he has in a long time -- sort of like Nixon did in '68, only with a beard.

And any foreign policy idea that Don Imus favors is o.k. with me.

We could lend Saddam money and sell him weapons, like we did before. Then Don Rumsfeld could go over there and shake hands with him. It'd be like old home week.

Think of the headlines: "Saddam Hussein -- Comeback Story of the New Century..." And think of the advertising revenue: "Saddam sez, "I always wear Armani when I'm gassing Kurds."

Here's Saddam kicking political detainees in his steel-toed Doc Martens. And since a re-secularized Iraq would once again allow tobacco advertising, that ubiquitous billboard picture of the dictator smoking an Angel Fart cigarette would explain that he finds them "mild, but satisfying."

With a little help from us he'd certainly repress the Shi'a. Maybe he'd even be willing to go to war against Iran again. We always seem to do better when we let someone else fight our wars for us, as in Central America during the '80's.

We'd just have to tell him, "Look, don't kill or torture too many people -- you'll make us look bad. And if the Kuwaitis get back into "slant" drilling, let us handle it. We don't want to have to come after you again."

Saddam Hussein is like a pit bulldog -- a bad dog if he belongs to your neighbor, but a nice puppy if he's yours. And he's the kind of dog you definitely want in your backyard (rather than, say, China's) in this dog-eat-dog world.

I don't think he'll hold the Iraq War against us. After all, it was all just oil, money, and politics.

Nothing personal, Saddam old buddy, just business.

Sorry about your sons.