Betrayal

Whatever else you might say about 12-step recovery, its rooms and meetings are places where people feel safe. Although some participants possess higher status than others, based on length of sobriety and reputation, there's no formal power structure in AA or any of the other recovery groups. Therefore there's none of the backstabbing, character assassinating, and behind-the-scenes maneuvering for power that characterizes so many workplaces and conventional social clubs.

Likewise, the recovery groups own no property, and usually keep only enough money on hand to satisfy their day-to-day needs -- coffee, rent, etc. Formal tradition expresses the idea that 12-step recovery groups and the people in them need to avoid problems arising from disputes over "money, property, and prestige (which might) divert us from our primary purpose."

Most of all, 12-step recovery is not just about eliminating addictive behaviors, it's about changing one's character. Members are reminded frequently to "apply these principles in all our affairs," especially the principle of uncompromising honesty. You can't be a liar or a thief in AA, any more than you can be a practicing drunk, even though tradition specifies that "the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."

For all these reasons, it was doubly shocking for me to discover that someone in my home group -- someone in our midst -- has been using AA as a stalking ground for his con game. And he's been doing it for years, moving from town to town and group to group.

If this had happened anywhere else -- at work, at the local country club, or even in church -- it wouldn't have disturbed me as much as this. He's been sober the whole time, sitting in meetings talking the talk like Holy Joe, and violating the trust that naturally arises among members of the fellowship to rip people off.

For about half a minute I wondered if this experience was going to sour me on AA and the program and the people in it. It was that distressing.

But on reflection, I think it will cause me to move closer, to participate more fully, and to concentrate on the ideals that everyone preaches and many actually live.

It's been my observation over the years that about half the people who come to AA stay sober and apply the principles of the program in all their affairs. That's one out of two. Which one do I want to be?

Dave B
sober 11 yrs, 9 mos.