Pornographic Marine Mammals

Back on December 4, Conan O'Brien was doing one of the crazy ad libs he specializes in on his late night t.v. show, and off the top of his head threw out the name of a non-existent website: HornyManatee.com.

In doing so he unwittingly created the potential for enormous legal problems. As Jacques Steinberg, television critic at the New York Times explains it:

"(A)s of the taping of that show, which concluded at 6:30 p.m., no such site existed. Which presented an immediate quandary for NBC: If a viewer were somehow to acquire the license to use that Internet domain name, then put something inappropriate on the site, the network could potentially be held liable for appearing to promote it.

"In a pre-emptive strike inspired as much by the regulations of the Federal Communications Commission as by the laws of comedy, NBC bought the license to hornymanatee.com, for $159, after the taping of the Dec. 4 show but before it was broadcast."

Once the network had the license to the site, O'Brien and his colleagues went to work and actually put it together. Since then, hornymanatee.com has gotten over three million hits. Check it out here.

Sorta Like 2% Milk, Eh...

A California woman is suing Kraft foods because its guacamole consists of only two percent avocado.

Brenda Lifsey was outraged when she read the small print on a package of Kraft's green stuff, which is only green because the giant "food" manufacturer and wholesaler uses blue and yellow dyes to color the wheys, hydrogenated soybeans, coconut oil, corn syrup (gotta have that one), and something called "food starch" (the assorted starches of various foods?) that compose 98 percent of its faux-guac.

So without the dyes Kraft's frankenguac would be the color of...what? Dirty snow?

Thanks to AmericaBlog for alerting us to this item, although we've noted there seems to be some disagreement among the AmericaBloggers themselves over the efficacy and desirability of processed foods, especially the cheese-like ones. Well then, here's the word, for all you Velveeta eaters at AmericaBlog and elsewhere:

So, are you serious about "dropping out," showing your disdain for "the system" and "the establishment?" Do you ever find yourself muttering under your breath that you'd like to "stick it to the man?" Have you ever awakened from vivid midnight dreams and found yourself repeating, "I just wanna do my own thing, man!"? Then here's lesson number one: Processed food may be edible, but it's not food. Don't eat it except when faced with dire emergency, such as, you'll starve and die unless you eat Kraft guacamole right now.

Eating processed food all the time is advisable only if your life's most ardent desire is to have half your colon removed.

Here's the world's easiest recipe for real guacamole. My daughter showed me this.

*In a bowl mix the flesh of one, two, three, or more avocados.

*Add the juice of about a quarter lemon for each avocado, and pepper, to taste.

*Mash it up real good. Scoop it up with unsalted corn chips. Enjoy.